Anger is a topic that not a lot of people like to talk about. It can be deemed unpleasant.

The catch is, if we aren't aware of how we handle our anger or we don't handle our anger, it can become a big stumbling block in our lives, and bad for our health.

We all get angry, it's a human emotion. But how we deal with it, or how we have been taught to deal with it can have a big impact on the way we live our lives. 

Some families go the repressed approach. And, while keeping a pleasant or still surface may seem helpful at the time, the anger that is being repressed is not actually being dealt with. This can lead to build up which may result in outbursts or emotional with drawl. It can also be physically harmful to our bodies to hold on to anger.

Other families may emote all that anger in the moment and big. This can feel overwhelming and frightening, for both the person who is angry and the person who is on the receiving end. Lashing out, or raging at someone as a way of dealing with anger can have long term impacts on relationships. While it is true that feeling and expressing our anger is important, being aware of how we do that is very important as well.

I recommend having open conversations about anger before we are angry. Talking transparently to your teens about how you feel when you are angry can be helpful. Maybe, letting your teen know that if they are starting to feel angry they can say they need a break. Also, helping your teen learn how to identify physically when they are starting to get angry, this can be very helpful for them to know when they need a break. Setting safe perimeters around what your family can do when they feel angry is an important strategy. 

 In the moment, when we are elevated and our cognitive abilities are not functioning at their best, is NOT the time to discuss how to handle anger. That should be the time when you are able to hit pause and return to the topic after everyone is cooled down. 

I can honestly say, that it is not always an easy subject to navigate, but it is a very family topic. Setting the clear understanding of what is ok and what isn't in regards to how your family displays and deals with anger will be helpful for your teen. and you.  Lastly, just because a conversation is shelved, if you are feeling angry, does not mean that it isn't still discussed when tempers have cooled. It's important to come back to those conversations.

Cheers to family communication